In my last blog post, I mentioned how people focus on meaningless things (myself included of course) and I wrote about an experience that broke my heart. An experience that feels so far away, but continues to haunt my thoughts and my spirit. During that time did I have confidence? I would say, definitely not. But, I did have strength. I know I had strength, because, there was a moment when I wanted to run. I wanted to leave everyone behind and say, "I can't do this" but I didn't. There are days when I think, "I'm too young for this" and then listen to the Taylor Swift song "22" to make myself feel better. I like being 22 years old, but I feel like this past year has been a whirlwind of emotion, and I have a feeling that it will continue to be like this for my entire life. Thankfully, no matter how insecure or weak I feel-I know that it's not my own confidence and strength I need to rely upon. During a time when I had nothing and felt completely lost I was given a gift of strength...and will always be provided for in such a way.
Lately, as I learn to land and takeoff on some of the most high risk airstrips I have ever encountered-I pray about my calling. I pray about the work I'm doing, and I pray about the people I'm trying to help. I've always wanted to help people, but in so many ways I feel like maybe I'm not making a difference. So, that's where confidence and trust are my foundations. Confidence,that The Lord has given me an ability to work in remote areas and help people, and trust, because God's plan is working right now. I am in God's plan, and I have confidence in Him.
I've been reading Ruth and Esther a lot lately. These two women probably didn't feel like they had enough confidence and strength, but they trusted in The Lord so completely for his provision and protection and He held them in His hand. They had such huge responsibilities to their families and to their people...and The Lord used them in such a way that they changed the world.
There is an eternal forever to my life and my story. It will be full of confidence and insecurity, strength and weakness, and full of stories on how God's love infiltrates a normal girls every day life with passion for life and people.
No matter what people think of you or how they perceive you...you can have faith in a God who gives confidence and strength at all times. His love and mercy will never fail you.
"Live in continued peace...Love Him more than yourself and His glory more than your life." ~Fenelon